A Beginning

Every story needs a beginning. For every Disney story, it always begins "once upon a time" but in real life the beginning is always blurred. I have struggled with my weight since junior high. My first memory of feeling overweight is in junior high sitting at the desk and realizing my thighs ballooned past the edges of the chair when I sat down. I felt like I was wearing the desks!  Since then, I have been everything from fat and thin and everything in between. But I know where the story will change direction.

I have spent the last four months on the staff for a Pop Warner cheer team. It got me off the couch and doing something in my non working hours. I also realized that I was extremely overweight and out of shape. A sedentary job, no exercise and turning to food as a "cure all" for all emotions had caught up with me. I had been secretly buying new clothes over the past few years so that I did not have to tell tell anyone, and admit to myself, that I was out of control. My last shopping trip last, sizes 16 and 18 were getting tight and some did not fit at all. When I weighed myself, the scale tipped just shy of 200 pounds. I have never been that heavy. It was like a brick smacked me in the face as a wake up call.

Then two amazing things happened. My loving younger sister took me aside and told me she loved me and was worried. She let me know by her actions and words that she would not give up on me even though I had given up on myself and I was at a low point. The other person was my daughter. Chantel has a vibrancy for life and a good, kind heart that could solve all the world's problems if her example was followed. She also expressed concerns about my current state of health and weight. She asked what I wanted to do on an upcoming vacation and when I listed off adventures such as kayaking, white river rafting, rock climbing, she asked if I could do any of it.  When I reviewed the activities I knew I was either I was too out of shape to do the activities I wanted, or I was above the weight limit.  I became innately aware of something else: I realized I was not as alone and I was loved. I also realized that I needed to care about myself the way that my family cared about me.

I had recently gone to the most magical place I knew: Disneyland. For three aganozing days. My body hurt so bad because I was so out of shape. My feet hurt, my knees were in agony, my hips felt new pain with each step. All because I was out of shape. I did not enjoy this trip because of my health and that was entirely my fault and within my control to change.

I took stock of my lifestyle: too much of being on autopilot. I ate when I was happy, sad, anxious, stressed, celebration, boredom and when I am hungry and full. I spent the weekends either working or watching television, and little activity and eating unhealthy.

I decided I must face my demons, take control of my life and start my journey to get back into shape so that I am healthy. Today is the first day of my journey.